English as she is spoke
Last updated: 03 April 2002
A collection from around the world
I don’t know where this collection came from (or whether it’s copyrighted in any way). I was given it years ago on a scrap of paper and recently dug it up. Anyway, enough of my waffle; on to the goodies…
| A Tokyo Hotel | It is forbidden to steal towels please. If you are not person
to do such thing please not to read notes.
|
| An Edmonton Garage | Two pounds worth it please.
|
| Japanese Hotel Lobby | Please to bathe inside the tub.
|
| Bucharest Hotel Lobby | The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we
regret that you will be unbearable.
|
| Leipzip elevator | Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
|
| Belgrade Hotel elevator | To move the cabin, push for wishing floor the cabin should
enter more persons, each one should press button for wishing
floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
|
| Marbella restaurant menu | Fried minds on toast.
|
| Paris hotel elevator | Please leave your values at the front desk.
|
| Athens hotel | Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the
hours of 9 and 11am daily.
|
| Japanese hotel | You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
|
| Marbella restaurant | Cheques will not be accepted in lieu of food.
|
| Moscow Hotel, across from an Orthodox monastery | You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian
and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily except
Thursday.
|
| Rome Doctor’s office | Specialist in women and other diseases.
|
| Austrian ski resort | Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in
the boots of ascension.
|
| Swiss restaurant menu | Our wines leave you nothing to
hope for. |
| Polish hotel menu | Salad a firm’s own make, limpid red beet soup with
cheesy damplings in the form of a finger: roasted duck let loose;
beef.
|
| Hong Kong supermarket | For your convenience, we recommend courageous, efficient
service.
|
| Bangkok dry cleaners | Drop your trousers here for best results.
|
| Paris dress shop | Dress for street walking.
|
| Rhodes tailor shop | Order your summers suit. Because is big rush, we will execute
customers in strict rotation.
|
| Soviet weekly in English | There is a Moscow exhibition of arts by 15,000 Soviet
Republic printers and sculptors. There were executed over the
past two years.
|
| Germany’s Black Forest | It is strictly forbidden on our camping site that people of
different sex for instance men and women, live together in the
tent unless that are married to each other for that purpose.
|
| Tokyo car rental | When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn.
Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your
passage then tootle the vigour.
|
| Buddhist temple, Bangkok | It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed
as a man.
|
| Zurich hotel | Because of the unpropriety of entertaining guests of the
opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby
should be used for this purpose.
|
| Hong Kong dentist | Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
|
| Rome laundry | Leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good
time.
|
| Czechoslovakian Tourist Agency | Take one of our horse-driven city tours – we guarantee
no miscarriages.
|
| Swedish Furrier | Fur coats made for ladies from their skin.
|
| Thailand notice for donkey rides | Would you like to ride on your own ass? |
| On the box of a clockwork toy | Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life.
|
| Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan | Stop. Drive sideways.
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| Swiss mountain inn | Special to-day. No ice cream.
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| Copenhagen airline office | We take your bags and send them in all directions.
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| Moscow hotel door | If this is your first visit to the USSR you are welcome to
it.
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| Norwegian cocktail lounge | Ladies are requested not to have children at the bar.
|
| Budapest zoo | Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable
food, please give it the guard on the duty.
|
| Acapulco hotel | The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
|
| Japanese booklet | If you want just condition of warm in your room, please
control yourself.
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| Majorcan shop entrance | English well talking.
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| Cairo Museum | Boomerang used for killing birds made of wood.
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